


You're a God And I Am Not (And I Just Thought That You Would Know)

by JackEPeace



Category: Conviction (TV 2016)
Genre: 5 Times, F/F, Femslash, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 21:42:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8550169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackEPeace/pseuds/JackEPeace
Summary: It takes Hayes five days to realize that she just might have feelings for Tess. Which is a relief, seeing as Tess figured this out a long time ago. 
                                                                                       -or-
The five times Tess tells Hayes how she feels without saying anything at all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first try at a "Conviction" Hayes/Tess fic! I'm too in love with this pairing to stand idly by and not write for them so here goes! I hope you all enjoy! The title comes from the song "You're a God" by Vertical Horizon, which for some reason I had to listen to like 15 times while I was writing this.

**Day One**

Tess Larson is a smart girl. She knows it's ridiculous to be jealous of someone that you've never even met. Yet she's smart enough to know that that's the only possible word to describe how she feels, sitting in the conference room, simmering quietly as she flips through a case file.

Hayes' old girlfriend is here to meet with Wallace and help him do damage control and Tess hasn't stopped thinking about her since the gossip traveled up the grape vine. Hayes isn't here right now and Tess does her best not to think about that too.

Rather than think about how Hayes' ex-girlfriend is surely more beautiful than some blonde nobody from a nothing hick town, Tess attempts to immerse herself in the case that Hayes picked for them this week. Maxine and Sam had argued with her about taking on the case of another 'poster boy' -a young migrant worker charged with the murder of another worker's teenage daughter- but Tess had just sat quietly and nodded when Hayes had looked at her for the split second she'd decided that she'd needed someone's approval. Hayes was going to do what Hayes wanted to do regardless so Tess isn't sure why she felt the urge to offer her support but it had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Plus, they'd just been talking about this mysterious ex from Hayes' past so her mind had been too addled to really think about offering a good argument as to why they needed a different case.

It's been nearly an hour since they started unboxing the evidence and going through the files when Hayes finally comes blowing back into the room like a hurricane and her expression is just as cloudy. She scowls at them and the mess of papers and photographs on the table. "Nothing?"

Tess keeps her head down, watching her out of the corner of her eye. Selfishly, jealously, she hopes that the cause of Hayes' angry bluster has something to do with the ex and a little word called 'rejection.'

"Call me crazy but I think you can only criticize the work speed when you've been working," Sam mumbles, giving Hayes a pointed look.

Hayes looks unimpressed and her expression doesn't change. "I'm going to alert the family we're looking in the case," she announces, already heading for the door with her heels clicking sharply on the tile floor. "Tinkerbell, let's go."

Tess jumps up so quickly that she doesn't blame Frankie for the look he gives her, his expression bordering on amused and sympathetic. She just gathers up her purse and files, shoving the papers back into place as she hurries after Hayes.

For a while, Hayes doesn't even talk to her and Tess can't figure out why her presence was requested in the first place. She's embarrassed to admit the childish hopes that had flittered through her brain as she'd hurried after Hayes, hoping she'd use their moments alone to admit that seeing her ex had only made her realize that she was over her and had feelings for someone else.

Even thinking about it, Tess feels her cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"Are you okay?" Tess says finally when her cheeks aren't so hot and pink anymore and she feels safe looking at Hayes.

Hayes' fingers tighten around the steering wheel. "Fine," she says breezily. "Just caught in the middle of the collusion of ex-lovers."

Tess frowns because she doesn't know what to say to that. "Have you…" She tries again: "Did you break up with her a long time ago?"

Hayes laughs but the sound is more like a bark than anything else, a harsh and mirthless sound. "See that's the thing," she says and looks over at Tess. "She broke up with me. For Wallace. What a tangled web we weave."

Tess looks down at her tights, picking at an imaginary fleck of lint rather than look at Hayes, just in case an explosion of victory flashes through her eyes. "Oh," she says softly. "Well, she's obviously an idiot."

This time when Hayes laughs it sounds more normal, soft and tinkling to Tess's ears. Hayes smiles at her. "I knew there was a reason I wanted you to come along."

Tess tries not to smile too wide.

**Day Two**

Tess finds herself tossing and turning instead of sleeping so she decides to make the most of her restless night and go through the eye-witness reports one more time, just to make sure that everything matches up. But the reports are sitting on her desk at work, something she remembers clearly when she steps into her dining room and finds her table empty and without anything for her to work on.

They call New York the 'city that never sleeps' for a reason. No one gives her a second glance when she leaves her apartment and heads to the office. She's even able to stop for coffee on the way, the Styrofoam cup warming her hands as she heads to the floor that houses at the CIU.

The lights in the office are already on. Tess tries to temper her curiosity, heading into her office to get the files instead of doing a little investigating. It could be Wallace or just an accident, an oversight made by one of them as they hurried out for the door. But she knows, even without looking, that it's Hayes.

On the way out, Tess can't hide her curiosity anymore and finds herself drawn to Hayes' office, where she's not surprised to find the other woman standing by the window, staring out at the city below. The lights of the buildings and cars reflect against her face, making the tears on her cheeks sparkle like stars. Her back is bared thanks to the swoop of her dress and Tess can see that Hayes' shoulders are tight with the effort of holding back.

Tess thinks about leaving without a word, giving Hayes the privacy she was obviously looking for when she came back to the CIU office in the middle of the night but Hayes seems to sense her presence anyway, turning before Tess can disappear.

Hayes' face hardens momentarily and she wipes at her tears. "What are you doing here?"

Tess holds up her files like a shield. "I…I couldn't sleep so I thought I would review the McNamara case," she stammers out quickly. "I left the papers here and-"

"It's fine," Hayes assures her quickly, holding up a hand like she's worried Tess is about to launch into a quick confession of everything she's ever done wrong. "You're dedicated."

"Just restless," Tess corrects. "And something about these eyewitness reports don't add up so I thought…are you okay?"

It suddenly seems stupid to talk about the case and ignore the elephant in the room. The elephant being Hayes' smudged mascara and sparkling dress, better suited for a campaign event than the CIU.

"You've asked me that two days in a row, you know," Hayes says. "I think that's some kind of record."

"I-"

"It's kinda sweet." Hayes is teasing her but her heart isn't in it, her voice strained and brittle under the weight of trying to sound normal and unruffled. "I'm sure you've heard that before: sweet Tess Larson, always so worried about other people."

Tess purses her lips. "I just came to get the files," she says, taking a step backward. "Good night, Hayes."

"I'm sorry," Hayes says before she can disappear completely, shaking her head. "I'm just…I know you didn't come here to be my whipping boy."

Tess debates leaving anyway, accepting Hayes' apology -if you can call it that- and calling it a night. Instead she says, "Do you want to talk about it?" Clearly Hayes knew what she was doing when she called her 'sweet' like it was a bad thing, a disease. Maybe it is. Maybe she's just an idiot, a glutton for punishment, trying to needle people past their limit until they tire of her sweetness.

"I'm sure you'll be able to read about it in tomorrow's headlines," Hayes replies. "If you can't already."

Tess isn't sure what makes her decide to walk into the office but she does, setting her files on the corner of Hayes' desk and offering her the coffee in her hand. She's only had a few sips and it's still warm; she tells Hayes both things as she offers the drink to her. "It'll make you feel better."

Hayes takes the cup, surprised. "Thank you," she says softly, taking the lid off and watching as the steam rises. "Go home, Tess, get some rest."

It's a gentle suggestion, not a command. Tess follows it anyway, only because it makes it easier to resist reaching out to pull Hayes into a hug. Tess doesn't want to cross that boundary because she's worried that once she does, once she has her arms around Hayes, it'll be impossible to let her go again.

It's only when she's two blocks away from her apartment that Tess realizes that she left her files sitting on Hayes' desk. She doesn't go back for them because she's sure that Hayes is still there.

**Day Three**

When Tess arrives in the lobby of the District Attorney's office, she holds up her badge for the man behind the counter to buzz her in. He doesn't see her, too distracted by the tabloid article that he's reading. One of his colleagues is standing over his shoulder and they're both laughing at the print on the page.

Briefly, Tess replaces her annoyance with curiosity, stepping forward to get a closer look at what has so captivated them. But it's not a story of a two-headed cow or a cat playing the piano; Hayes' face is staring back at her, illuminated by the flash of a dozen photographers' cameras.

The headline is related to Wallace and his outside council, whom the New York gossip hounds seemed to have discovered is Hayes' ex-girlfriend. Tess doesn't have to read the text to be certain that the story is far from flattering.

She steps forward, snatching the paper out of their hands before she's even fully aware of what she's doing. "Excuse me," Tess says sharply as the two men look at her, their faces as surprised as they are annoyed, "can you please buzz me through?" She all but shoves her badge into their faces. "I think that would be a better use of your time than reading this trash about a woman who works in this building, don't you?"

The men are too surprised to offer any type of defense or witty retort. Instead, Tess just hears the gate clicking open, admitting her to the lobby.

"Well, well, Tinkerbell, I didn't know you had it in you."

The voice comes from behind her and Tess whirls around to find Hayes striding in her direction, holding two coffees in her hand, bag slung carelessly over her shoulder. She doesn't bother to flash her ID badge, just follows closely behind Tess before the gate can click shut behind her again.

"I have to say, I like this side of you a little better when I'm not on the receiving end of it." Hayes smiles at her, pressing a coffee into her hand before Tess can process her words. "I owe you one from last night. Made it extra sweet and everything, figured you'd be into that sort of thing."

This time her teasing isn't as barbed and Tess only nods, following Hayes to the elevator bay. "Thank you."

Hayes steps into the elevator and pushes the door for their floor once Tess is standing beside her. "So," she says casually, "what's the headline about today, hmm?"

"Oh…" Tess looks at the tabloid, still clutched tightly in her hand. She stuffs into her briefcase as though that can banish the words and the picture. "Nothing."

Hayes tilts her head slightly, studying Tess as though she's never seen her before. "You don't have to protect me, you know."

Tess takes a sip of her coffee to spare her from answering. Surprisingly, it's exactly how she likes it.

**Day Four**

Hayes is staying in her office again. Tess can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with the event that had Hayes in tears in the office in the middle of the night and the tabloid and newspaper headlines currently circulating.

When Tess walks past the room the following morning, she can see a bag in the corner, slipping out articles of Hayes' life onto the floor: mascara, crumpled pajama bottoms, a shoe without a mate, a toothbrush. She pretends not to notice, even though there's no one around to comment on this sight.

Hayes is already in the conference room, talking about crime scene photos with Maxine, both women bubbling with excitement. Tess can feel the energy in the room, the sensation of a case on the verge of coming together. Or coming undone, depending on how you want to look at it.

"He's innocent," Tess says as she joins the women by the crime scene board. "You've looked over the witness statements, right?"

"Right," Maxine confirms, pointing to the paper that Tess stuck up on the board herself the day before. "I think we've got enough probable cause by this point to get the conviction overturned."

After a few more seconds of enjoying another victory, Maxine disappears to find Sam and Frankie and call them into the room for a final pass through of the evidence they've gathered to ensure that they aren't going to rush in blindly and make themselves look like fools.

When Maxine is gone, Hayes looks at Tess. "Good call on the witness statements," she remarks. "The victim's father is clearly lying, I can't believe no one noticed before. Nothing gets by you, does it?"

Even though she's pretty sure Hayes is only teasing her again, Tess can't help but take the opportunity to blurt out, "I know you're sleeping in your office again."

Hayes actually winces and Tess immediately regrets her words. "And there you go proving my point."

"Sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Just a little tiff with Jackson," Hayes says dismissively, stepping away from the crime board. "I'll blow over soon. Hopefully sooner than the last one, that couch leaves a lot to be desired in terms of comfortable sleeping."

Tess fidgets with the bracelets around her wrist, debating before offering tentatively, "I have a fold out couch in my apartment. If, you know…you want to…I mean…"

Hayes looks surprised and Tess grows silent immediately, wanting to bite her tongue right off. She can't believe that she just offered Hayes Morrison her couch to sleep on, what is wrong with her.

"That's sweet," is all Hayes says. Only this time she uses the word like it's a foreign adjective, something she has to turn over in her mind and study until she can truly understand its meaning.

Or maybe, Tess thinks, Hayes is trying to understand her.

**Day Five**

"I don't know how you do it," Wallace says as he watches the arrest of Robert McNamara on TV. There's admiration in his voice, as well as annoyance and Tess can't help but wonder if this is the outcome he expected when he formed the CIU and put Hayes Morrison in change. She's sure that he's not the first person to underestimate Hayes and she's sure that Hayes enjoys proving him wrong. The justice that is done through these efforts is simply a bonus. "We never even looked at this guy when the murder first happened."

They'd stumbled upon this real killer by accident, when it had come out that the murdered girl had been carrying on a secret relationship with the son of the man who employed her father. Tess knows that she's not going to be able to shake this case for the next few days, that she'll be thinking about that girl's last moments when she's trying to sleep, when she's standing in the shower trying to wash away the day. She'll be wondering about how she felt to know that she was about to die by the hands of her own father, consumed by his anger when he'd discovered the secret relationship. The fact that the real killer is now going to be behind bars while an innocent man is freed will do little to help soothe her nightmares.

Tess leaves the rest of the team celebrating their recent victory with Wallace when they're joined by Naomi Golden. Again, that ridiculous feeling of jealousy swells inside of her and she just doesn't think there's enough room for her and her bitterness in the office so it seems like a good time to head to the conference room and start packing everything away again.

This is the first time she's seen Naomi, though she's been haunting the DA's office like Tess's own personal specter and she honestly wishes that she'd stayed as incorporeal as a ghost. She's beautiful, blonde and tall and skinny and she'd sidled right up to Hayes like the rest of them weren't even there and honestly Tess is pretty sure that no one even noticed her leaving.

She's packed away one box of evidence and terrible photographs when the sound of footsteps reaches her ears and Tess looks up, surprised to see Hayes entering the conference room. "Need a hand?" Hayes questions and starts pulling pictures and statements and Post-It notes off the board before Tess can answer. "Everything okay?"

"Now you're the one asking me that," Tess means to add something about the irony of this fact but it's like her brain short circuits and just leaves it at that: a blunt statement said with little inflection.

Hayes drops a stack of papers into the box and turns to look at her. "Well, you seem like you're in need of someone checking up on you," she says. "Not that you should get used to it. I'm not exactly the sympathetic type."

Tess only nods. "I'm fine," she assures her. "Just ready to be done with this case."

Hayes' features soften and she steps closer to Tess. It takes almost every bit of composure she has not to step away; instead, she remains close enough to smell Hayes' perfume and the smell of her shampoo. She takes that as a sign that Jackson let her back in the apartment.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Hayes questions and all pretense seems to have been set aside and she seems genuinely interested and, most important, genuinely concerned. "You seem a little…shaken up."

Tess swallows, tightening her jaw. This is the job, after all, she can't let herself get worked up over every case. But still she says, "It's just so horrible. Thinking about a father who could do that to his own child…"

She stops because she's sure that she's already given Hayes enough ammunition, that she's already said enough for Hayes to launch into a long lecture about how parents kill their children all the time and about how she's certain her own parents would like to strangle her most days or how poor fatherless Tess shouldn't have such lofty ideals about what makes a good father.

But she doesn't. Instead, she just leans forward and kisses her softly and Tess is pretty sure that Hayes could have dumped the evidence box over on her head and she couldn't have been more surprised than she is now.

Tess stares at her, lips tingling from Hayes' touch, already wishing to feel her lips again. "What was that for?"

Immediately she regrets the words. How stupid and childish they sound, how far from what she wants to say in this moment. What she wants to say is 'yes' and 'finally' and 'more.'

"A thank you," Hayes says and she reaches out absently, letting her fingers linger on the curve of Tess's elbow, her touch electric. "And something I feel like I should have done a long time ago. Sometimes it takes me a while to figure out what people aren't saying because I'm so tangled up in my own mess that I miss what's right in front of me."

Dumbly, Tess hears herself ask, "What's right in front of you?"

Hayes, at least, smiles. "You." Again, she tilts her head, studying this unknown and unexplainable thing before her. "I'm not used to people actually caring enough to try and look out for me."

It seems pointless to point out that this is exactly what Tess has been trying to do. So she decides to take a chance, to be brave enough to be the one who leans in this time, who presses her lips to Hayes' and pulls her close so that the kiss is not just a fleeting one. This time, she's certain that Hayes can hear exactly what she's saying, certain that her touch is saying yes. More. Finally.


End file.
